This will be soppy.
I think since posting about Luc Tuymans and watching him talk in so many YouTube videos, I’ve come away with an overwhelming sense of purpose. Don’t know what the purpose is yet but it’s there. I feel different about my art, about myself. I think about my art now. I never used to think about it, never thought it meant anything, other than some kind of expression of a feeling I couldn’t put into words or vocalise. It was an outlet and way to release pressure, I always came to it, I always did it but I didn’t consciously think about it, about what I was creating, other than the ‘feeling’ of doing it, the ‘emotion’ of doing it, the release. I am resisting the urge to say what has gone before with my art has been a long waste of time, it all has some value in the growth of me, I suppose. If I hadn’t done it all, hadn’t continued to experiment, ape, appropriate what I’d seen and learnt from other sources, I wouldn’t be where I am now, would I? And that’s nothing to be afraid of, or ashamed to admit. I’d still be trying to draw a straight line. I used to think it was all about validation, it’s not. It’s about doing. It’s the journey.
I am so grateful for this course because if I hadn’t started it, I would still be stumbling about in a fog. The fog is around me but it’s clearing, just a little bit. I had a light bulb moment reading about and listening/watching Luc talking, he spoke to something unique inside me that I hadn’t seen before. I feel like if I met him I’d burst into tears – he’s had a profound impact on me at this juncture in my life and I thank my tutor for pointing me in his direction.